Wednesday, August 12, 2009

changes are a coming!

So I have been perusing blogs lately, trying to find blogs that are full of good recipes, ones that will keep my attention, and ones that well just interest me. I like to hear about peoples battles with disease and injury, maybe it's because I am a sicko, or maybe it's because I am 29 and dealing with a chronic disease of my own. So tonight I came across the blog "Use Real Butter", which is a blog I had heard about but never ventured over there, man I don't know why. I love her, I love her blog, I love her pictures, but most of all I love her take on the world. We all have our demons, we all have our battles, but it's all about how you face the world every day. She had one post specifically that is all about why she will continue to come back to a blog, and I have to say I have been guilty of several of her cons. I have let my blog go by the way side way to many times, and yes I know my friends have called me on it and so I commit to you, my reader, to not do that again, even if it's a horrible week, I will post. My goal this week is to post everyday, maybe then it will become a habit and I will continue to post for a couple weeks, a month maybe even a year.

I want you to know me, I want to reach out to others, maybe gain a few readers that I don't know IRL that will come back time and again, maybe find a few others who are in this fight against Multiple Sclerosis.

Many of you know why I filed for disability, many others don't. I have Multiple Sclerosis. I was diagnosed in Feb. 2005 at the age of 25. An age when you shouldn't be worried about shots, about being able to walk when you wake up, and not finding a person to love you despite your diagnosis. I was lucky and I did find that man, and he is a wonderful man, and he loves me.

At 25 you are worried about weddings, starting a career and babies.

In the last 5 years I have had gotten married, gotten my beloved dog, and had to stop working a job that I loved. A job that made me complete. A job that I was happy to say I did. I was an Emergency Dispatcher, I helped people, I got yelled at, and cussed at...but I helped people. The day that I cried on the phone with a dad who's daughter had just been life-flighted was the day I decided I was no longer cut out for it, this also came after a week when I forgot the codes on the computer and I couldn't tell the guys, MY guys, what they needed to know because I couldn't pull the words out of my butt. I decided to walk away, so that's what I did.

A large part of my life that comes with MS is depression and so that may be the reason that I let my blogging slide, but that is just an excuse. So I say to you, please don't let that happen to me again, bug the heck out of me, get me back in here, because the one place I always feel happy is the kitchen!

We fought for a year to get my disability to go through, it was a long, hard year. But with the love of my parents, my hubby's parents and some friends that I would be lost without (you know who you are). We made it through.

So after reading through "Use Real Butter" and crying at some of her posts, and knowing that sometimes it doesn't matter if anyone is listening or reading, just getting it out into the universe is all that matters.

So even if it's a day that the fatigue (and yes it's different that being tired) has it's hold on me, I will share. I will share something funny that has happened, a small treat I have made or I will just let you know that yes I am alive.

Plus you will notice some changes to and around my blog. The fonts and colors have been changed and the name Crystal's Creations is for anything I do so I will start to show more of house things, and crafty projects I do!